Deer

Average lifespan in captivity: 6 to 14 years

Size: 6 to 7.75 ft (1.8 to 2.4 m)

Weight: 110 to 300 lbs (50 to 136 kg)

Size relative to a 6-ft (2-m) man:

 

Of all the threats we have received, over 90% come from deer hunters.  Our preferred tactic for this type of sab is to assume the roll of the inconsiderate hunter. Walk loudly through the brush.  If you hear a deer call, fire at a dirt mound.  Basically, make yourself a pain in the ass while still appearing to be a hunter.

 

Deer are sensitive to noise and sound,  stand upwind of a hunting ground and spray some cheap perfume. smoke a cigar or pipe while hunting. Hang perfumed soap in camo bags from trees in a heavily hunted area.

Typically Hunters can be in the woods 1 hour before dawn and 1 hour after sunset, any longer and they are probably poaching, check local regulations and always report them.

Deer stands and blinds-

Most deer in the US are shot by assholes hiding in blinds or stands.  Either resting on the ground or on 3 or 4 legs, stands will usually be on private property, but this is not always the case.  Deer stands will be found near paths, at one end of a clearing (A feeder will usually be within a few hundred feet.), or by railroad tracks.

Not so legal tactics for deer stands and blinds-

1. If possible, remove the deer stand from the area either by dismantling or toppling it over an embankment.
2. Remove and destroy the ladder.
3. Remove the corn from the feeder and use it to fill the stand.
4. Most stands contain chairs.  Cover them in your favorite substances.  Examples include: urine; grease; pepper spray; and (our favorite) a combination of fly attractant, excrement, and molasses.
5. If the door is locked, superglue locks (don’t forget the hinges).
6. Remove or destroy the chairs inside.
7. Leave a bucket or other container full of standing water close to the deer stand to create a mosquito farm.
8. See the section on repellants for more info and plant options

Caution: Because deer stands are often made of wood, avoid smoking in them or they could catch fire. If the stand is close to trees use common sense here.

Tree stands-

Tree stands are my favorite, not only for the ease in which they are sabbed, but because a large majority of hunt scum injure themselves by falling from them.  They come in two varieties: 1. The tree house made on-site of wood usually consisting of a simple platform with a ladder and nailed to the tree.  2. Metal manufactured platforms usually strapped or chained to the tree.

Tactics for tree stands-

1. If wood, remove the bracing that attaches it to the tree and let it fall.
2. If metal, use bolt cutters to remove the support chain.
3. Cover platform or seat in urine; grease; pepper spray; or (our favorite) a combination of fly attractant, excrement, and molasses.
4. If stand is inaccessible, cover the trunk of the tree with urine or our favorite  concoction (see #3).
5. Leave a bucket or other container full of standing water close to stand to create a mosquito farm.

We advise against booby trapping the stand.  Hunters are quite capable of injuring themselves without our help.

Feeders-

Essentially a bucket or drum suspended from a stand. More expensive feeders are on a tripod. The time release for the feed is located at the base and is designed to spread seed at a specific time.

Tactics for feeder-

1. A bar or two of fragrant soap placed under or near the feeders base will discourage deer. covering the bar slightly will keep it out of sight but the scent will constantly permeate the soil all season long.
2. Deer do not like spicy food, a mix of blended peppers added to the feed will cause the deer to avoid the feed.

Deer and/or elk have been found infected with Chronic Waste Disease (mad cow) in the purple states and provinces.

Feed plots-

When hunters or wildlife agencies intentionally plant areas with plant life that attracts deer or other species it is known as a feed plot. Feed plots for deer often contain large amount of clover.  The common buttercup  dominates clover and grows in it’s place.  Butter cup is a bitter plant and is not digestible by deer or other livestock. This effectively destroys the feed plot and the easy hunting that most hunt scum require.